Friday, 11 April 2014

Eclipse in LOVE....!!


This phenomenon has happened to most of us. It makes you feel pain, agony, and sometimes even independence. After being taboo for years, it has gained some social acceptance. However, they bring with them a roller coaster ride of emotions and many lessons to teach you life.

A beautiful, docile Indian girl was celebrating her pre wedding ceremonies. She was getting married to her love and this added more blush to her fair red cheeks. She thinks, she couldn’t be luckier but suddenly when her lover cum fiancé discards her for not being modern enough, her beautiful castle breaks with a thud. She felt devastated, dejected and dead. But, she decides to bounce back. Don’t know, how, when, why and what made her go beyond herself. A girl, who went to her first date accompanied by her younger brother, decides to go her pre planned foreign honeymoon alone. There she finds her own self, her independence beyond culture, sex and money.  She comes back to India, meets her fiancé, makes him an ‘ex’, and thanks him for rejecting her. This story sounds familiar, right! Yes, it’s the story of blockbuster Bollywood movie, “Queen”, starred by beautiful Kangana Ranaut.

Let’s look at another, blockbuster, super- duper hit Bollywood flick. I always find myself in dearth of adjectives when I talk about this one. A bubbly, adventurous, extrovert girl meet a guy in train and after a series of adventures they become friends. This lady, who is already in love, elopes for her Mr. Perfect in assurance of true love. Her life comes to a shocking juncture when her Mr. Perfect refuses to stand beside her. She loses her faith in everything and reverts to a shell, torturing herself for her mistakes. Later when her Mr. Perfect too returns to her, she chooses her friend to be her soul mate. She thanks Mr. Perfect for dumping her as only then she could realise what she really wants for her life. No guesses required, it’s the plot of very famous “Jab we met”, starred by sensuous Kareena Kapoor Khan and handsome Shahid Kapoor.

By now I am sure you have understood my focus. I don’t want to be gender biased. Here is another movie plot, which will make you go back to some memory lane for sure. A guy joins army but elopes from there as he was not able to cope up to the difficult army training. He comes back to his house and meets his girlfriend. His girlfriend, however, got too offended by his decision to quit and breaks up the relationship stating her logical fear of not being able to trust him anymore. He feels shattered, but goes back and finally achieves what he decided for himself. Later, in a scene he thanks her, for making him what he is. It’s “Lakshya”, starred by our green eyed hunk, Hrithik Roshan & charming Preity Zinta.

I strongly believe that these movies which we have seen countless times, teach us the most important lessons of our lives-
a)      Even the biggest mistake is normal to commit.
b)     We are victim, till we wish to be.
c)      To overcome our past. But, most importantly,
d)     To appreciate our past rather than blaming it.

I have noticed a weird fact; the word ‘past’ in itself has become a sign of failure. When successful people talk about their past, they say, “Looking back...” Whereas when we talk about someone who is struggling at any unwanted juncture, he/she is termed to have a ‘past’. I think we have forgotten the literal meaning of the term ‘past’ and using it in the contextual senses. I have never understood the logic of this one phrase, “We all have a past”, and obviously anything existing has a past. Even my flower pot has a past, earlier it was in my living room, now it is in my balcony. Now does this information qualify for being past or I have to make it dirty/scary.  One kind of ‘past’ which has always ignited curiosity, hatred, opportunity and sympathy of others in you is your broken relationships. People may not find your opinions interesting, but for sure they are eager to know your opinions about your ex.

Most of us have been through broken relationships and it’s no longer a taboo. Sometimes we get ‘dumped’ and some other times we ‘dump’ people. This word is again a mess, have any one of us has seen where this dumping ground is? Whatever the case remains, we gradually learn to deal with it. Few are strong, few are not. Few choose to move, few cling back. The later ones often end up avoiding and ignoring people, place and things that are related to their past relationships. Almost all of us are hurt and we resort ourselves to different ways to bounce back. For most of us it’s a bad and sad thing to happen. Well, I have a different take on this, I agree that breakups are sad, but they may not necessarily be bad. May be we just have to look outside the window for the rainbow. In a relationship we tend to forget, our own relationship with us. We give up our own importance and that’s where we make our biggest mistake.

A broken relationship gives us time to introspect, to revise ourselves, and to rethink our expectations and aspirations. During the course of a relationship, we change with time and situations but sometimes we even don’t know it. Suppose you went in a relationship while in college and then you started working, your personality will change a lot with reference to your new office, colleagues or profile of work. But you may fail to notice these changes as you still live in the wonderland of love. When we have to come out of the wonderland, instead of going to some other fantasy world, we can choose to wait and retrospect about our changes, good or bad, and decide what and how to improve. Another very important aspect we can rethink is our assumed reservations about us and others. It gives us a chance to love ourselves for no reason and ponder about our individuality. It gives us a chance to be sure of what we want from our life, our partner, ourselves and what we surely don’t want. Isn’t that something refreshing?

Like any other experience, our relationships too teach us a lot if we want to learn the best out of them. We learn to adjust, we mellow down, we learn to respect other people’s space, we feel more empathetic, we become more expressive and sometimes we even learn to value people who are not related to us. If we think deep, we will find that each relationship, broken or not, one or two, have made us a better person, if we have allowed it to do so. It’s not the relationship that decides our actions-reactions, in case it does not continue. Rather it’s us to decide what we will churn out of us from it. If we choose to be us, no relationship can be bad. We learn from every other mistake, so why can’t we learn from our relationship mistakes. Why we deliberately burden our souls with the guilt and choose not to forgive others, well, sometimes even us. Why we forget that the purpose of life is more than anything broken and love is to stand again rather than to fall. Is it not an insult to the almighty who gave you all reasons to live happy and content?

There is a set of scarier people though. They play safe and are afraid to commit mistakes. They don’t want to be hurt, they don’t want to be cheated, and they don’t want their hearts to bleed or eyes to wet their pillows. This is worst you can give back to life because anyway you are not living. Life is to experience love, care, friendship, pain, thrill, agony and all other emotions. Live your own set of mistakes and create your own blunders. Just one golden rule to follow:

Learn your lessons on time.

40 comments:

  1. The best thing that I learnt from the post was that broken relationships give a chance to introspect. We can analyse and help ourselves to un-fumble our feet. Its good to have a flumbly feet but constant improvement is also mandatory.
    Blunders are awesome only till you commit them once.
    Thanks Pallavi :)

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    1. Thanks for the appreciation. I agree life is a trail of constant improvement. Your words are motivating.

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  2. Nicely written ... came here through some Quora link ...

    Reminds me of something i read somewhere: " ... and you fall down to ground and the heart knows how to heal itself. We just have to let it."

    It seems like it's almost a failure to "fail and not learn a thing or two from that." :)

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  3. Same...Presentation was good, and appreciate your School teachers for having given you the English. I believe language is learnt in school, correct me if wrong. Congrats on the second blog(?)
    Now, I would recommend you to go for a shorter one than a lengthy one. My personal suggestion. People like me get lost in such a lengthy one. Precise and crisp one would force us to come back time and again with a food for thought....
    Happy blogging and Thanks for sharing in person...

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    1. Thanks for your words. I will surely work on the suggestions.

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  4. Wow! Very helpful and insightful post. So many people have to read this. Keep writing! :)

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  5. Thanks Vijay!!
    I too wish many people to read this and rethink about themselves. Please share it with your friends, if you agree.

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  6. We give up our own importance and that’s where we make our biggest mistake.

    pallo million dollar thot...............trying to co-relate..hope i'll succeed

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  7. I truly appreciate your writing skill. It was like I am a part of your blog. I never felt as if I was reading a blog. Awesome skill.
    You have rightly brought out the main strength of a human being. Life never stops because someone is not with you. We should always be strong inside. Know your strengths and manage your weaknesses. Another good movie is the film "Arth" starring Shabana Azmi, Smita Patil, Raj Kiran & Kulbhusan Kharbanda> Do watch it if you can download it. Keep writing.
    Waiting for the next one.

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  8. Nice writing, superb explaination with help of movies...keep writing and I want to follow you. :)

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  9. hey....its really inspiring :) thankyou. :)

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  10. Very well written...makes you ponder a lot and also makes you realize what good things you can do to yourself rather than being clung to your past...thank you

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  11. very beautifully written. I loved this post, it inspired me in a way. :)

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  12. I just want to know that what should a person do if he come to know that the one he loves so much will never understand his feelings but at the same time she also doesn't want to hurt him and they both are nice persons but somehow things did not go that way. Then what should the boy do considering it was his first love.

    He had proposed her but she said neither yes nor no but after wards she slowly wants to say no but she knows that the boy will not accept that no so she remains silent now but now the boy came to know that there is actually no feelings for him and all the hopes that he had is false.

    What should he do?

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    1. Hi Anonymous,
      For the starters, why don't you keep yourself in the girl's position. You are a girl's first love, but you don't love that girl. So what will you do? Will you say yes just because you don't want to hurt her, or will you think about your life?
      Love is not something that you can make it happen. It's not that she don't understand your feelings, but she can't make herself love you. As a human being she had this right, to love or not to love.
      And what makes you think that the boy has liberty to 'not accept' a no from her. if she says no, its a no.
      The boy is not the first person to fail in love. It's ok. Leave the girl in peace and move on with your life. You may find love again and even if you don't, it doesn't means that this girl has to love you. You must be feeling that this is your first and last love and you will never love again. Its not true. You will eventually find love. Don't worry.

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    2. Thank you for your words.

      It really helped me a lot and yes I am a completely logical person and you also know that the boy was me. but sometimes logic fails na and you don't want that logic but I am blessed that I am that lucky person that I have one girl best friend whom I used to discuss my feelings for that girl I proposed and I have completely not seen that she also loves me and we enjoy each others company and when I was low the last day she was the one whom I want to talk with and today she proposed me and I am very happy now.

      But First love is first love and that girl will be there in my heart but slowly I realized that I was missing the moon while counting the stars and love is not that is found it can only happen and girl or boy is not perfect rather the relationship should be perfect. That girl whom I love was very much like me and like every one in the college says that we can be the perfect partner but now I have got one.

      I seriously want to say I am that lucky to find that girl best friend and now my feelings are like increasing on.

      I want to thank you a lot because what you have written was exactly what I was thinking and being written by you I can say that is right.

      I am happy now and now I know whether I and my new girlfriend are way different from each other but when I am with her, time flies and in those days I was blind not seeing her because I was mad for someone else but now I realized that true is never found, It can only be experienced.

      If you have any advice It would be great to hear.

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  13. Ma'am I am waiting for your advice

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    1. I an say that you have found your right track. If you are happy that's the best thing. it is not easy to move on, it takes lot of strength and courage. May things fall at their best place for you. Read this new post and I am sure you can relate to it.

      http://srivastavapallavi.blogspot.co.uk/2015/04/green-leaves-and-pinch-of-salt.html

      And yes, please follow the page by entering your email at the top left corner of the page. So you won't miss any such post which will inspire you for life.

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  19. Thank you Pallavi for this great post, I'm currently experiencing a break-up after 3 years of relationship. It's not my first break-up, but it's my first serious relationship and I can't stop blaming myself for my girlfriend losing her feelings towards me. We did quarreled several times and that was the result for decreasing her feelings towards me. But at the same time I blame her for this betrayal, we had a wonderful relationship full of traveling, having fun together and romantic things. I'm ready for serious relationship on to be with her no matter what. Although she decided that it's best for us to stop our relationship.

    I'm trying to convince her to stop this madness and return, but I feel that the end is inevitable. If only there was a formula to return someone you love. It saddens me how a serious love relationship can end so easily, just because I showed myself angry when we quarrelled. It's not fair, because she also was hurting me when we quarrelled. We both were wrong. But it's her decision to end our relationship.

    Sometimes I think that there are other factors that influence on the partner's choices. Like being rich, social status, etc. When you don't have those things you're more likely to get dumped. I truly want to believe that it's not true, but I'm sure that those factors are the ones that can help you start a relationship with someone. The more you have, the easier it is for you to find a new relationship. And because this formula works for starting a relationship, I'm afraid this formula also influences on keeping a relationship. How much people nowadays are truly wants to be with you? I guess it's either chemistry (falling in love) that fades away or how much you got..

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  20. We were gng good but she is hiding something frm me but i ignored tht time aft a year go i get to knw she is not hpy with me bcoz m nt giving her time when she call m saying m calling u later n i frgt bcoz of some imp wrk..jb b vo mjhpe gussa krti me usse apna kaam btata vo smjh jati..n its gng gud pr kuch din phle uske dad ka acceident ho gy she ws so stressed bt nhi kr rhi thi mjjse bol rhi thi plz akela chordo or me so gya n mrng i call her she said i want brkup me usse 2 mahine se smjha rh hu everything m doing mjhe block krdiya har jgh se den fr she said i need time fr hmri thdi bt hone lgi ab she is saying i dnt wnt u m happy in my life me uske liye roz rota hu msg krta evrything i did fr her😔 Wt to do ? Let her go?

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  21. Thank you so much pallavi...really feeling better after reading this post...keep writing.

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  22. Its funny how I ended up looking for assertion in every corner and I only found that. I really thought it was the beginning of the downfall and end of my happiness but I feel positive now that things do get better with time. Your words have pulled me away from absolute devastation. I was basking in the turmoil I thought was perpetual after letting her go. Thank you.

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  23. Turmoil comes from within..till then it is all just slipping away hope.

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  24. Reading this blog was like taking a long, hard look at myself! It sums up everything I am going through right now.
    Thank you for your revealing, honest blog. It is indeed helping someone heal.
    My recent broken relationship has taught me all you have said: be a better man that what I was yesterday, to forgive myself first before I forgive others, and mostly importantly to live a life in which every emotion has a place. Else, one would have never lived.
    I think I am going to keep reading this blog frequently for a very long time.
    Thank you!

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  25. Very nice blog pallavi....thanks for sharing this.....I really got some answers n I hope this wl help me being more stronger..

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  26. I am still in a loop of memories from my last relationship ended a year ago. This article will surely going to help me. Thanks much.!

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