Through my specs...(3)

Streak of Light

I am sitting alone in a room, thinking about future. I am in pain and despair. Something has happened and I have to start my life from the scratch. When I say 'from the scratch', I mean it. First of all, I have to learn how to walk. Yes, there are few unfortunate ones who learn walking more than once in a life time. My efforts, sweat and blood of years have gone in-vain. Before this room, I was in another room, with people yet alone. Since few months I am just changing rooms and roommates but in same state of mind. I am just thinking, I guess that's all I am able to do. I laugh a lot and crack jokes about everything possible. I have no idea why I do so, may be I want to evade from thinking. Sometimes, I play guitar too. I have always loved to compose new tunes on it. I go no where without it, no room.

When I was with people, I met a variety. When you are on the receiving end of life, you meet the real of them. They were kind, friendly, positive, negative, mean, rude and neutral. Some were cruel too. Adversity handpicks the best and worst people and gives them to you. I too met both kinds. The worst one to meet were, Mr & Ms. Iamthebest, Mr & Ms. Oh!SadToHear, Mr & Ms. Don'tLooseHeart, Mr & Ms. WeAreConcernedRelatives etc, etc. There were many more I can talk about. However I am sure, many of you must have met them sometimes in your lives. Life seems to be very particular about making us meet the real part of people around us. None of us are happy to meet them, but for me every meeting was taking me further in a darker abyss. They made me doubt my will, determination, strength and confidence. I questioned my capabilities and thought about my limitations. To be honest, I can't say they were wrong about anything they said. It was me who was struggling to accept the reality. The first step to life, success or happiness is being completely transparent about your own reality. I needed a hand to hold and not to push me further.

It is a hot day. My fingers are trying to produce a new tune. Since my troop has stepped on that landmine, I find it hard to focus. Neither that cloud of blood infused dust has left my mind nor the loud sharp sound has given my ears any rest. I can hear it even in the softest tunes. My vacillations make it hard for me to find the right scale and focus on right notes. Yet I try and manage to come up with a soft delicate tune. It soothes me, I love it. I save it in my recorder to hum it later. My moment of self-appreciation is disturbed, Mr. Best has walked into my room. He is a colleague and my first roommate in the training academy. He too sings. He borrows my guitar (which I hate) and plays one of the finest tunes I have ever heard. He claims it to be his with a proud smile. I wonder about the perfect strokes his fingers have made on the strings to create these beautiful notes. It was no doubt the best, almost perfect. I change my mind to share my tune with him. The effort was needless as Mr. Best is hardly interested. After flaunting it to me he moves further to do the same, leaving me in emotions I can't describe. I don't love my tune anymore, I go back to my cloud and boom. I am doubting a talent I am born with.

I have changed my room again, this time the place is mine. While unpacking my stuff, I find my recorder. I am about to throw it. Ms. Angel enters the room. I call her this because she is someone who gives me hope. She picks up that black tiny soul-mate of mine and presses the start button. I look at her face, her eyes are closed and she seems to be meditating. After listening to few, she looks at me full of appreciation. “How do you...?”, she asks me, “Oh! They are brilliant”. I am feeling something, hot blood is rushing in my veins. For months, I have not felt anything good so I am not able to decipher the exact emotion. I share all my work with her, one by one. Every time she seems to be meditating. After she listens them, I listen them again, struggling to hear them through her ears. I am sure they are good and I love them again. People expect a lot less from me, but she never lowers her bar of expectations. As if nothing ever happened to me, as if nothing can affect me. It is very hard but it gives me an indomitable inner strength. To every doubt of mine, she smiles and says, “You can do anything bro.”

                                                         x-------------x----------------x-------------x

I read the above page from my old diary and relive every moment. Time has flown, years have passed. I still play guitar and compose new tunes, now professionally. With every day I spent with Ms. Angel, I was learning to live. I was regaining my lost faith on myself. I was questioning my limitations and challenging my boundaries. I was learning to be me, what I was and may be better. She held me tight and unknowingly brought me to a place where I was ready to face and fight the world all over again. It's not that I didn't fail again but I never give up. Ms Angel never left my side and she never will, after all we have been together since even before we were born. She is my twin sister.

Failure is one thing I fear least. This is not because God has gifted me with an attitude to overcome it, but because when I was lost deep in a vast chasm of darkness, she pulled me out into light. Or I can say she pulled the light out of me.

If you too have a Mr/Ms Angel in your life, just hold tight and you will be through. It can be anyone, a sibling, a parent, a friend, a spouse or a partner. Shut your ears to everyone but them. Some battles are not won alone.  

Through my specs (2)

Through my specs...

Sharing one of my quotes:

A Thin Line

The world cup is over and it has definitely given two things to India, a strong cricket team to look up to and Anushka Sharma to blame. We went crazy and behaved like sore losers, not new for us but a little different this time. This year we had something more than grass, pitch, weather or the players to blame, in fact not just something, a whole 5 feet 9 inches living girl in flesh and blood. And we left no stone unturned to vent out our anger at all places we could, from social media to nukkad panwala. Not only males but females too bashed Anushka Sharma for God known reasons.

I am sad that we lost the cup in spite of the hard work the blue boys did, but I felt sadder when I happened to look at a photo of Anushka Sharma returning from Australia on social media. She seemed sad and pale but what pinched me the most, is that she was looking down as if she too thinks she is guilty. I have no clue what she could be guilty of, being in a relationship, or being in a relationship with a man who could not perform well in his profession, or being in a relationship with a man who could not perform well in his profession because she was present there and he got distracted or may be she was playing victim. For a man like Virat Kohli, with immense talent and caliber, it doesn't seems likely that he will get distracted.

Well, I seriously did not want to discuss the after thoughts of that photo in such details over here, but I could not help myself. See, this is what happens to you when you talk about blame games, you choose a side.

Coming back to my chain of thoughts, this incident is just a reflection of the status of women in our society, once again at our faces the crude truth of women empowerment. Another form of abuse, when you don't get what you want, you blame others. In any patriarchal society, man has too big of an ego that he not only does anything to fake his but also of the whole male community. The same happened this time, Mr. Kohli was the one who failed, who lost focus, so if at all anyone has to be blamed then it should be him, but alas, he came out much cleaner in comparison to Ms. Sharma.

There is a percentage of men and women, who are sick of this nonsense as any man with logic and any woman with self-respect would be. When this will fade away, something new will come up. After every few months a female bashing news is in the air and we learn nothing.

I don't know if the world would ever end female bashing. Or if the society will ever give women the status and respect we all dream. But I wanted to share with all females, girls or women, married, unmarried or divorced, single or dating, that if you have a boyfriend, friend, husband, lover or anyone who too blames Anushka Sharma, be aware, you never know when he will start blaming you for all/any of his failures. If he can blame someone else for someone else's failure without any logic, no wonder he may someday feel the same for you. Seems like a possibility to me and I may be completely wrong, but for sure I want you to think about it.

How your man treat other women is equally important as how he treats you because somewhere down the line his real thoughts about women will reflect in his behavior for you. It is difficult to pretend for years. 

Most of the time in our relationships we don't understand the fine line between a fight and an insult, a disappointment and a blame. We justify to ourselves the behavior of our loved ones even before they justify it. How we react to failures and disappointments reflects our true self. We tend to say all sort of things when we are angry and then may apologize but the fact is that we vent out our true feelings when we are angry. Anger doesn't let us sugarcoat our words. What we think for one, we can think same for others too. I don't want you to be over sensitive about every word your partner says, but yes you should watch out for repetitions. It's a real thin line so setting boundaries will help and expressing those boundaries will help more.

Respect is the most important aspect of any relationship. Especially in love and marriage, where two people are with each other because of their feelings. May be your man is the best you think, talks politely to all, respects women and seems nice, but never let him cross the line of your self-respect at any cost. Don't think that you are loving or respecting your partner by allowing him to disrespect you.

If you are not sure about his take on women empowerment or you wish to confirm it, this small episode can give you a fair insight of what he actually thinks about women, equality and the blame game. On a lighter side, it can be the best question you can ask on your first date or first time you meet a person for marriage.

Bone of 'Content'ion

‘Contentment’, something that is found, lost, discussed, pondered and defined by many. Scholars, philosophers, intellectuals, God-men, all have tried to know this unknown state of human mind. It’s difficult to define, as while walking on the road to decipher contentment several other questions cross our path, like, meaning of life, goals of life, aim of existence etc. These questions are not only complex because they make you think and rethink your thoughts, actions and reactions but also because there are no right answers. Every answer has its own questions.

My understanding about contentment is same as its dictionary definition, that is, a state of happiness and satisfaction, however, I think that many of us including me misunderstand contentment as the state of being happy with less. Often we use ‘contentment’ to describe being happy with the present state of life, living in less or living with something which is not considered success in social terms. Have you ever heard someone saying that a rich man is content? He may be, just because he has lot of money and wants to earn more, does not make him any less content. Or does it? Why only simple living does leads to contentment?

When I look around, the definition that society (Indian society in which I grew) gives to me of ‘contentment’ is very different. I don’t know what it has to do with satisfaction or happiness but yes, absence of ambition to progress or not trying for lavishness is contentment by social standards. That’s what I have perceived from observing social interactions about contentment.

Lately, I have experienced a new sense of contentment, perhaps a new sub- definition. Contentment may be being happy with your present state of life but for sure it should not be misinterpreted as the passive state of mind. If I have ambitions to grow in my career, or to earn more money, buy a condo or a Ferrari, wear branded stuff and dine in Michelin’s, then to be content, all I have to do is to put efforts to make my dreams come true. If I am satisfied with my efforts then I am as content as a sage. You may feel this as an exaggeration, but, trust me it’s not. Different paths don’t mean difference in the feeling of contentment. A 10 mile run for a marathon runner or 10 steps for an amputee, is progress and contentment. Ambitions and contentment can go hand in hand. Anyone can be happy and unsatisfied at the same time or sad and satisfied. For a person like me, if I don’t have something to look forward too, I am not content. I love the struggle and somehow make myself always available for one. I am happy when I am striving, that makes me feel living. I am only content when I am challenging myself or else I feel drained.

When happiness joins satisfaction, it becomes contentment, but again, this satisfaction may not necessarily define what you already have. A day well spent according to your personal standards can give you a content sleep. Happiness should not be our end goal, happiness should be the journey. And contentment should be related to happiness and not to satisfaction. You don’t have to define your contentment or try to be content. It will come to you. You don't have to sit on the river side in utmost silence or go to serene mountains to feel the cool breeze touch your face, to find meaning in life or feel content. Your piece of contentment can be kept in the corner of a disco as you love to dance. Don't go by any stereotype law of contentment, find yours. After so many years, today, while writing this article, I have understood the meaning of journey and destination and the real meaning of,

                         कर्मण्येवाधिकारस्ते मा फलेषु कदाचन।

                        मा कर्मफलहेतुर्भूर्मा ते सङ्गोऽस्त्वकर्मणि॥

(You can control the efforts but not the results, but if you will start defining your efforts with results, you will never enjoy the journey of efforts.)

It is all about efforts. Your honesty towards your efforts brings contentment and nothing else can. In my words, I want to say,

“If results make you rethink about your efforts, perhaps the results are right.”

5 Side-effects of having Good Friends

Love, Fear and Hatred are the three basic emotions of life. Everything we think or do revolve around these three. And Love being the brightest, makes us strong, optimist and hopeful. It has no boundaries and it can make your world go round. The very feeling of having an unconditional love in our life fills us with an indomitable confidence that we can achieve anything. It’s the magic for which we all wait to happen in our lives. And when it happens, our life changes for ever. Love enters into our lives in many forms. Emotions, situations, decisions keep changing but if the foundation is love, the equation never changes.

Among all the kind of love we experience, I think the love we share with a friend is the most special. A friend is a gift we choose for ourselves. They make our life easier, spicy, light and comfortable. Sometimes when we have given up they push us beyond our own limits. Our partner in crimes, we can be true to them, just say our feelings in utmost raw form and still have the freedom of not being judged. They stand with us in thick and thin.

This friend can be anyone, a sibling, a parent, a partner or a complete stranger. In most of the cases our friends are the complete strangers we meet one day and become inseparable over a period of time. Yes, it looks quite weird and miraculous, that someday we meet a stranger, chat a bit for any reason and end up having a whole home in a person. However, today I am not here to talk about the fairy tale of friendship that we all know, but the disadvantages of having very good friends.

1. You become less tolerant

This is absolutely true. Being with your buddies slips you in your most comfortable zone and ends up making you less tolerant with people in general. A good friend understands you without you saying a word and you start expecting that with lot of people. Even when you are far from your friend or like not talked to them for long, you feel complete with their presence and so your attention span to other people really narrows down. 

2. It becomes difficult to make new friends

You develop a frequency and a particular taste and then it becomes nearly impossible to find people with same frequency. So the chances for you to make new friends at later juncture of life becomes very difficult. Unknowingly we compare the new people we meet with our friends and end up losing these new ones. Sometimes we know we are wrong but just can't help it.

3. You always miss them

Missing them becomes a habit. You don't talk to them everyday, you don't tell them everything that is happening to you or you also may not meet them for years but you miss them always. Wherever you go, you miss them. In office, in parties or simply the nothing doing days, you always miss them a bit somewhere deep in your heart. You are amid lot of people you enjoy being with but nothing is complete without them.

4. You need them to push you

We all go through a less cheerful phase in life where we need something extra. We know what we want but we just can’t pull ourselves up to work for it. It could be anything, a job change, a new diploma, getting fit, pursuing your hobby, whatever it may be you need your friend to push you to do it. You need them to curse you, scold you and make you do things for yourself.

5. You feel just alone

In today’s world where we live in different parts of the globe, you just feel alone without them by your side. You buy whatever but without friends to show it off, it feels something is not right. You move on with your life, talking with your friends over phone or texts but nothing can replace their presence.

Whatever it may be, a true friend is worth everything. It's priceless!