Through my specs...

Sharing one of my quotes:

A Thin Line

The world cup is over and it has definitely given two things to India, a strong cricket team to look up to and Anushka Sharma to blame. We went crazy and behaved like sore losers, not new for us but a little different this time. This year we had something more than grass, pitch, weather or the players to blame, in fact not just something, a whole 5 feet 9 inches living girl in flesh and blood. And we left no stone unturned to vent out our anger at all places we could, from social media to nukkad panwala. Not only males but females too bashed Anushka Sharma for God known reasons.

I am sad that we lost the cup in spite of the hard work the blue boys did, but I felt sadder when I happened to look at a photo of Anushka Sharma returning from Australia on social media. She seemed sad and pale but what pinched me the most, is that she was looking down as if she too thinks she is guilty. I have no clue what she could be guilty of, being in a relationship, or being in a relationship with a man who could not perform well in his profession, or being in a relationship with a man who could not perform well in his profession because she was present there and he got distracted or may be she was playing victim. For a man like Virat Kohli, with immense talent and caliber, it doesn't seems likely that he will get distracted.

Well, I seriously did not want to discuss the after thoughts of that photo in such details over here, but I could not help myself. See, this is what happens to you when you talk about blame games, you choose a side.

Coming back to my chain of thoughts, this incident is just a reflection of the status of women in our society, once again at our faces the crude truth of women empowerment. Another form of abuse, when you don't get what you want, you blame others. In any patriarchal society, man has too big of an ego that he not only does anything to fake his but also of the whole male community. The same happened this time, Mr. Kohli was the one who failed, who lost focus, so if at all anyone has to be blamed then it should be him, but alas, he came out much cleaner in comparison to Ms. Sharma.

There is a percentage of men and women, who are sick of this nonsense as any man with logic and any woman with self-respect would be. When this will fade away, something new will come up. After every few months a female bashing news is in the air and we learn nothing.

I don't know if the world would ever end female bashing. Or if the society will ever give women the status and respect we all dream. But I wanted to share with all females, girls or women, married, unmarried or divorced, single or dating, that if you have a boyfriend, friend, husband, lover or anyone who too blames Anushka Sharma, be aware, you never know when he will start blaming you for all/any of his failures. If he can blame someone else for someone else's failure without any logic, no wonder he may someday feel the same for you. Seems like a possibility to me and I may be completely wrong, but for sure I want you to think about it.

How your man treat other women is equally important as how he treats you because somewhere down the line his real thoughts about women will reflect in his behavior for you. It is difficult to pretend for years. 

Most of the time in our relationships we don't understand the fine line between a fight and an insult, a disappointment and a blame. We justify to ourselves the behavior of our loved ones even before they justify it. How we react to failures and disappointments reflects our true self. We tend to say all sort of things when we are angry and then may apologize but the fact is that we vent out our true feelings when we are angry. Anger doesn't let us sugarcoat our words. What we think for one, we can think same for others too. I don't want you to be over sensitive about every word your partner says, but yes you should watch out for repetitions. It's a real thin line so setting boundaries will help and expressing those boundaries will help more.

Respect is the most important aspect of any relationship. Especially in love and marriage, where two people are with each other because of their feelings. May be your man is the best you think, talks politely to all, respects women and seems nice, but never let him cross the line of your self-respect at any cost. Don't think that you are loving or respecting your partner by allowing him to disrespect you.

If you are not sure about his take on women empowerment or you wish to confirm it, this small episode can give you a fair insight of what he actually thinks about women, equality and the blame game. On a lighter side, it can be the best question you can ask on your first date or first time you meet a person for marriage.

Bone of 'Content'ion

‘Contentment’, something that is found, lost, discussed, pondered and defined by many. Scholars, philosophers, intellectuals, God-men, all have tried to know this unknown state of human mind. It’s difficult to define, as while walking on the road to decipher contentment several other questions cross our path, like, meaning of life, goals of life, aim of existence etc. These questions are not only complex because they make you think and rethink your thoughts, actions and reactions but also because there are no right answers. Every answer has its own questions.

My understanding about contentment is same as its dictionary definition, that is, a state of happiness and satisfaction, however, I think that many of us including me misunderstand contentment as the state of being happy with less. Often we use ‘contentment’ to describe being happy with the present state of life, living in less or living with something which is not considered success in social terms. Have you ever heard someone saying that a rich man is content? He may be, just because he has lot of money and wants to earn more, does not make him any less content. Or does it? Why only simple living does leads to contentment?

When I look around, the definition that society (Indian society in which I grew) gives to me of ‘contentment’ is very different. I don’t know what it has to do with satisfaction or happiness but yes, absence of ambition to progress or not trying for lavishness is contentment by social standards. That’s what I have perceived from observing social interactions about contentment.

Lately, I have experienced a new sense of contentment, perhaps a new sub- definition. Contentment may be being happy with your present state of life but for sure it should not be misinterpreted as the passive state of mind. If I have ambitions to grow in my career, or to earn more money, buy a condo or a Ferrari, wear branded stuff and dine in Michelin’s, then to be content, all I have to do is to put efforts to make my dreams come true. If I am satisfied with my efforts then I am as content as a sage. You may feel this as an exaggeration, but, trust me it’s not. Different paths don’t mean difference in the feeling of contentment. A 10 mile run for a marathon runner or 10 steps for an amputee, is progress and contentment. Ambitions and contentment can go hand in hand. Anyone can be happy and unsatisfied at the same time or sad and satisfied. For a person like me, if I don’t have something to look forward too, I am not content. I love the struggle and somehow make myself always available for one. I am happy when I am striving, that makes me feel living. I am only content when I am challenging myself or else I feel drained.

When happiness joins satisfaction, it becomes contentment, but again, this satisfaction may not necessarily define what you already have. A day well spent according to your personal standards can give you a content sleep. Happiness should not be our end goal, happiness should be the journey. And contentment should be related to happiness and not to satisfaction. You don’t have to define your contentment or try to be content. It will come to you. You don't have to sit on the river side in utmost silence or go to serene mountains to feel the cool breeze touch your face, to find meaning in life or feel content. Your piece of contentment can be kept in the corner of a disco as you love to dance. Don't go by any stereotype law of contentment, find yours. After so many years, today, while writing this article, I have understood the meaning of journey and destination and the real meaning of,

                         कर्मण्येवाधिकारस्ते मा फलेषु कदाचन।

                        मा कर्मफलहेतुर्भूर्मा ते सङ्गोऽस्त्वकर्मणि॥

(You can control the efforts but not the results, but if you will start defining your efforts with results, you will never enjoy the journey of efforts.)

It is all about efforts. Your honesty towards your efforts brings contentment and nothing else can. In my words, I want to say,

“If results make you rethink about your efforts, perhaps the results are right.”

5 Side-effects of having Good Friends

Love, Fear and Hatred are the three basic emotions of life. Everything we think or do revolve around these three. And Love being the brightest, makes us strong, optimist and hopeful. It has no boundaries and it can make your world go round. The very feeling of having an unconditional love in our life fills us with an indomitable confidence that we can achieve anything. It’s the magic for which we all wait to happen in our lives. And when it happens, our life changes for ever. Love enters into our lives in many forms. Emotions, situations, decisions keep changing but if the foundation is love, the equation never changes.

Among all the kind of love we experience, I think the love we share with a friend is the most special. A friend is a gift we choose for ourselves. They make our life easier, spicy, light and comfortable. Sometimes when we have given up they push us beyond our own limits. Our partner in crimes, we can be true to them, just say our feelings in utmost raw form and still have the freedom of not being judged. They stand with us in thick and thin.

This friend can be anyone, a sibling, a parent, a partner or a complete stranger. In most of the cases our friends are the complete strangers we meet one day and become inseparable over a period of time. Yes, it looks quite weird and miraculous, that someday we meet a stranger, chat a bit for any reason and end up having a whole home in a person. However, today I am not here to talk about the fairy tale of friendship that we all know, but the disadvantages of having very good friends.

1. You become less tolerant

This is absolutely true. Being with your buddies slips you in your most comfortable zone and ends up making you less tolerant with people in general. A good friend understands you without you saying a word and you start expecting that with lot of people. Even when you are far from your friend or like not talked to them for long, you feel complete with their presence and so your attention span to other people really narrows down. 

2. It becomes difficult to make new friends

You develop a frequency and a particular taste and then it becomes nearly impossible to find people with same frequency. So the chances for you to make new friends at later juncture of life becomes very difficult. Unknowingly we compare the new people we meet with our friends and end up losing these new ones. Sometimes we know we are wrong but just can't help it.

3. You always miss them

Missing them becomes a habit. You don't talk to them everyday, you don't tell them everything that is happening to you or you also may not meet them for years but you miss them always. Wherever you go, you miss them. In office, in parties or simply the nothing doing days, you always miss them a bit somewhere deep in your heart. You are amid lot of people you enjoy being with but nothing is complete without them.

4. You need them to push you

We all go through a less cheerful phase in life where we need something extra. We know what we want but we just can’t pull ourselves up to work for it. It could be anything, a job change, a new diploma, getting fit, pursuing your hobby, whatever it may be you need your friend to push you to do it. You need them to curse you, scold you and make you do things for yourself.

5. You feel just alone

In today’s world where we live in different parts of the globe, you just feel alone without them by your side. You buy whatever but without friends to show it off, it feels something is not right. You move on with your life, talking with your friends over phone or texts but nothing can replace their presence.

Whatever it may be, a true friend is worth everything. It's priceless!

Our Ironical Passion

   
The unfortunate incident happened in Chibok on April 14^th, 2014 has turned the lives of its residents into a living nightmare. Their daughters were abducted from the school by the Islamic Jihadist organisation Boko Haram. All because these girls went to school and Boko Haram believes western education is a sin. It has disturbed all of us. It’s been weeks and we have no clue about the girls. The kidnapping in itself is dreadful but there is something more heinous, the proud announcement of the man behind this. Abubakar Shekau, the leader of this group released a video message saying, “I abducted your girls. I will sell them in the market, by Allah. There is a market for selling humans. Allah says I should sell. He commands me to sell. I will sell women.." [1] In the video stated he said all this with a sly smile. It makes my blood go chill. What’s haunting me the most is, “I will sell women.”

All these 250-300 girls, among whom few are as young as 8-9 will be thrown in sex-trafficking forcefully striping off their dignity and self-worth. Girls no matter what age become the victims. They are abducted, threatened, befooled and sometimes even sold by their own parents or relatives. Poverty becomes the catalyst of such trade.  Sometimes parents sell their daughters to brothels for money or they are sold as brides to repay their debts. In this dark market children and women are reduced to be mere objects of sexual fetishes of perverts. The kind of torture women go through if they refuse is heinous. On March 23^rd, 2014 in Bhiwandi, Maharashtra, a woman’s breasts were chopped off by the pimp for opposing [2].

All this is uncomfortable. Our blood boils and bile rises to our throats but we don’t know what to do. While reading about the Nigerian incident I came across a hashtag on twitter Real Men Don’t Buy Girls. I am confused who are these ‘real men’. When I look the stats for rapes or prostitution, it seems these ‘real men’ are few and also the involvement of women in trafficking or trading can’t be ignored. However, my mind is baffled that the kind of cruelty victims suffer, are the culprits even human.

While researching deep about sex-trafficking, I found that the sex traffickers have made the online pornography a tool of power and control by abusing, blackmailing and raping their victims.  Pornography sounds so familiar. For most of us pornographic sites have become a regular stopover either out of curiosity, habit or addiction. It’s is like junk food. Most of us know it’s not good but we find hard living without it. The social acceptance has gone to an extent where a porn actress is working in main stream cinema of a society as conservative as India. Most of us think that Prostitution and sex trafficking are closely related, however, have we ever given a thought over the correlation between pornography industry and flesh trading? I don’t know if we can get those ‘real’ men stop from buying girls or not, however there is something which we can surely do.

There was a Tedx talk by Ran Gavirelli [3] about not watching pornography. While I read the comments below it I found most of them justifying watching it. I am not sure whom they were justifying, the speaker or themselves. Here are the myths or excuses through which we attempt to justify pornography.

1)      We watch porn because it is available.

This is the most common one. We know that we watch porn because it is already there on internet; it’s already been uploaded for all. It is not created because we want to see it. We watch it or not it will be there.

Well, this is true but there is something we don’t know or maybe we know and chose to ignore. We have created a demand for internet pornography by making it a habit. As a newbie we watch whatever is available but as we proceed our fancies are kicked and we end up spending hours on such sites. We browse categories and search for new videos. With every download we create a demand and then supply has to be there. It became one of the most booming industries because we are not satisfied with what we saw once; we are salves of our habit or addiction. So, it may be true that we start watching it because it’s already uploaded on internet but as we watch it often, we unknowingly encourage the industry. The high demand for pornography has created an even more violent environment for victims of sex trafficking.

2)      Most porn actors and actress have chosen the industry

Pornography is a huge industry, it has lot of money. A very popular myth floats that girls abroad are in the profession by their choice. Sex is not considered as a taboo in English and American countries so people chose it as an easy way to earn money. No one is being forced to choose this as a profession. I agree some may have chosen the industry but most of them are forced. Unlike Sunny Leone who has glamorised the industry for Indians most of them have terrible life. On average 66% of porn performers have herpes, and 7% of porn performers have HIV. Ex-porn star Tanya Burleson says men and women in pornography do drugs because “they can’t deal with the way they’re being treated” in the industry [4].

So let us all get this fact straight that the kind of life they have or the cruelty most of them have faced is miserable. Just because people come from a liberal society does not necessary mean that they are happy to live without dignity. While of course not all women involved in pornography are subject to abuse, the number of those women who are exploited continues to grow without our knowledge.

3)      It’s a harmless fun

For sure it seems to be harmless, but is it really as harmless as it seems. I will address this myth from four perspectives.

a)      Harm to women

After reading the facts above, we must have understood by now the harmlessness of the industry. Trust me if you will search for the stats you will come to know about the brutal and barbaric facts about ‘pornography’ as an industry. To women what it does is well described by MacKinnon in her book ‘Women’s Lives, Men’s Laws’, “Women in pornography are bound, battered, tortured, harassed, raped, and sometimes killed; or, in the glossy men’s entertainment magazines, “merely” humiliated, molested, objectified, and used. In all pornography, women are prostituted. This is done because it means sexual pleasure to pornography’s consumers and profits to its providers, largely organized crime”. Many children, girls and women are kidnapped and sold.

b)     Harm to society

Pornography triggers the quench of sexual gratification. People want to replicate the pleasure in real life. India being a conservative country doesn’t give many options to explore, so either they visit a prostitute or try to indulge with females they know. It affects all sections and class of society. Casting Couch, Exploitation at Work, Extramarital Affairs, Exploitation of Children etc. are few consequences of the unsatiated libido prompted by such videos. Well, maybe it’s not responsible for most of the crimes against women but we can’t ignore its effect on the social psychology.

c)      Harm to Us

It is hard to believe but it’s true. Even we as individual are getting affected by it. Pornography triggers a neurotransmitter ‘dopamine’ which is responsible for sexual gratification. When the dopamine hit is often, it gets entangled with the brain making it very difficult for you to be satisfied in real life. This dearth of satisfaction sometimes leads to crime against women, visiting a prostitute or extra marital affair. If no such option is at hand due to any social or moral barrier people most commonly resort to the online virtual pleasure and so it becomes a vicious cycle. So the common myth that watching porn spices up the sex life, is all false, it actually makes it difficult.

d)     Harm to our CHILDREN

This is something which can’t be overlooked at any cost. It’s a dangerous threat spreading across the world with every passing moment. UNICEF in one of its report stated, “Cases of human trafficking have been reported in all 50 U.S. States; anyone can be trafficked regardless of race, class, education, gender, age, or citizenship when forcefully coerced or enticed by false promises”[5]. Approximately 300,000 children are at risk of being prostituted in the United States [6]. In India it’s even worse, there are no national or regional estimates for the number of children trafficked every year. But 40% of prostitutes are children, and there is a growing demand for young girls in the industry [7]. There are two dreadful phases on it, as victims and predators.

1)    Child trafficking as happening with the victims of Chibok has shown a dramatic increase since few years. The cases of child abuse are simply going up not only in the Red Light world but also in our daily life. No one can claim to be safe. In 95% of cases, the sexual abuse offender is known to the child; that is they are a relative or trusted friend. Only 5% of child sexual assault cases are ‘stranger danger’ [8]. We all are matured enough to understand the correlation. Pornography increases the curiosity of a person to such an extent that may be people can go to any extent to experience it. Any child is a prey to some pervert (known and stranger) and kidnappers who would sell them.

2)      Kids as young as 10-12 have access to pornography these days. It makes them curious and kind of addicted to it. As they are not mature enough to understand the complications of it, they simply understand it as pleasure and try to replicate in real life. Habitual of seeing women as object of sex and abuse through those videos, they can’t respect women. A study by the Crimes Against Children Research Centre at the University of New Hampshire states in one of its reports that Juveniles are 36% of all sex offenders who victimize children [6]. There are more stats on the internet about the kind of brutality juvenile sex offenders show towards their victims which will shake your soul.

When the whole world talks about human and sex trafficking with rage it gives us a hope that may be some day my sister, friend, wife or daughter will feel safe. It also makes me as a woman feel safer. Ironically at the same time, pornography is tolerated, accepted, openly defended, and even celebrated. Every time we watch pornography, some girl somewhere across the globe is paying for it. A famous saying goes, “There's no such thing as free lunch”, and it’s just that you think you are not paying for it today but,

WHAT IF SOME DAY LIFE SEND YOU A CHEQUE. 

THINK ABOUT IT.

P.S. Indeed, most of us won’t be comfortable sharing it, however, trust me that perhaps is the least we can do if we stand against human trafficking.

Sources:
Image Courtesy: http://blog.chron.com/thepeacepastor/files/2011/12/william-wilberforce.png

[1] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-69EIafqrFI

[2] http://www.hindustantimes.com/india-news/breasts-chopped-off-for-refusing-to-enter-flesh-trade/article1-1199182.aspx

[3] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gRJ_QfP2mhU

[4] http://m.blogs.christianpost.com/guest-views/get-the-latest-pornography-statistics-14706/

[5] http://www.unicefusa.org/mission/protect/trafficking

[6] https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/ojjdp/228631.pdf

[7] http://www.refworld.org/docid/51c2f3b7c.html

[8] http://www.bravehearts.org.au/files/Facts%20and%20Stats_updated141212.pdf

Kudos to Youth..Together We Stand!

 

With every tick of the clock the excitement is rising. The great grand fat elections in India for 2014 are about to wrap up with results I hope will help the nation grow. People are happy and sad for their own reasons and affections to different political candidates or parties. However, I am happy for a different reason; this is the first time I have seen Indian youth to stand for their convictions. If we talk about the three major parties BJP, AAP and Congress, the kind of youth support BJP and AAP are enjoying is phenomenal. Varanasi has witnessed it all.

Its a time to congratulate our youth for the kind of revolution they have brought in the country and the minds of people.

Looking beyond these elections, I think this is the beginning of an era in India. It’s not about the elections or who won and who lost, but about the kind of participation Indian youth has shown. I am amazed to see the youth fighting for the candidate they believe in. Youth who are not associated officially to any political party took all the pains to aware people and vote wisely. Hundreds and thousands of BJP and AAP supporters from all over the world swamped Varanasi to talk about what they feel.

India you already won when young boys and girls took leave from their offices and traveled from distances to give a message to vote wisely. It hardly matters they stood for BJP or AAP or Congress, what matters is that they stood for a bright India.

India you already won when people with no vested interests and just for you stood together and supported their respective parties.

India you already won because they not only care for you but also can go to any extent to ensure you get the best.

India you already won when they stood for you in their own ways.

If we continue standing like this for our convictions for our country above our vested interests, ‘Achche din’ will never fade away irrespective of who wins or who loses. 

Jai Hind!

Coming back to life!

Things have moved fast for the whole world since March 08th, 2014. India is busy with the on-going elections. The world is eagerly waiting to know what enfolds in the future for this country. But, there are a set of people in the world for whom the clock is ticking for sure but the time is at still. These are the families of the people who boarded the unfortunate Malaysian flight 370. It flew towards its destination but lost all its contact to the ground within less than an hour after its take-off. The aircraft was carrying 12 Malaysian crew members and 227 passengers from 14 nations.

That day not only these 239 people went missing, but with them went missing the smiles and lives of all near and dear ones of them. Since then their life has never been the same. The families have spent hours and days in the assistance centers in hope of a miracle. All they want is some news - good or bad. After extensive search of nearly two months, conducted by all the super powers of the world nothing could be found. With every passing day the despair ascends. They don’t know what happened to their loved ones. Evidences tell them their wait is futile but they are still waiting.

Last week exacerbated their woes. The airlines announced that they are closing the assistance center at Hotel Lido, Beijing on May 2nd and all other centers on May 7th. They want the families to go back home. The Deputy Foreign Minister of Malaysia advised and requested the families to “accept reality”. People are scared to go back home. Some may live in remote areas with no Internet access, they are not sure if they will miss something important. Some are scared what if they return and the governments cease the search but what is scaring them the most is to resume lives without their loved ones. Will they be able to do that? At every phone ring they will pray, with every knock they will pray, with every news flash they will pray. Their hope won’t let them sleep and their thoughts will make them miserable when they are awake.

Some have gathered the courage to accept the reality. On last Sunday, May 4th, 2014, the first funeral of this mishap was held. Friends and families of two Australian citizens, Mr. Rodney Burrows and Mrs. Mary Burrows gathered all their courage to do this. However, most of the families are yet to come to terms with it. They are still struggling to face it. They don’t know where to restart from and some of them don’t even want to restart.

Let us all pray to dear Lord to give the families the courage to bear this irreplaceable loss. Every time I read some article or hear some news about the mishap or even while I am writing this down, I am not able to think what’s more cruel – living with the truth of losing someone or dying daily in the hope that he/she may return someday.