Friday, 6 May 2016

स्पंदन



मेरी दौलत का हिसाब लगाना मुश्किल नहीं,
नाम लिख दूंगी बस तुम्हारा तो मिल जायेगा.
मेरी आँखों में चमक क्यों है, जानना हो जिसे
जान ले तुमको दो घड़ी वो समझ जायेगा.

चाँद है हमसे खफा,
देखते अब नहीं हम उसको ख्वाबों में,
फूल भी ज़िद पर है,
ढूंढते अब नहीं हम खुशबुएं गुलाबों में,

पर हमें डर नहीं चाँद का या चाँदनी का,
मेरे घर में तो तेरे साथ निकल आएगा.


कुछ कदम तुम चले, कुछ कदम हम चले,
हुआ है दो दिलों का तब ये फासला पूरा,
कुछ तिनके तुम्हारे, कुछ तिनके हमारे,
हुआ है सपनों का तब ये घोसला पूरा.

युँ तो बनता है ज़माना हमदर्द मेरा,
देख लेगा जो मेरी दुनिया तो जल जायेगा.

Sunday, 26 April 2015

Green leaves and a pinch of salt


Imagine us being in the buffet of life, full of recipes, sweets and savories. Say for instance, a cheesy toast - soft, warm and delicious just like mothers, a pizza – delivered in 30 mins when you are in need like friends, chocolates like love and so on . I am sure if you think about it, you can actually relate all the people in your life with some or the other dish or spice. However, sometimes we have to compromise and give up all the tasty things we love to eat. Have you ever been on a diet? The reason could be anything, a good figure, a healthy body or a prescription from the doctor. The reason makes the journey no less difficult. So, when we have a bowl of raw lettuce, spinach, cabbage, broccoli in front of us to eat, what do we do? Yes, you know the answer. You add a pinch of salt.

Why can't we replicate it in life? A failure or a breakup, a lost game or a lost path, a failed exam or a failed venture, when life gives you nothing tasty to cherish and things seem bland, look around for your PINCH OF SALT.

Many failures are not as bad as we think them to be. Some teach us a lot and some test what we have already learnt. Our attitude plays the most important part as to how we perceive them. Out of my personal experience I can guarantee, that if we train our brain to accept the failures and believe in the brighter side of them, we will never be short of opportunities. Things would have been much easier if the failures were limited to examinations and ventures. Unfortunately, that's not the case. The most common failure that leaves us into pieces is an emotional one. An emotional failure is the toughest to handle. Deep inside we are burned and no one can even see the ashes. When we are in love, we become vulnerable. This vulnerability sometimes costs us everything in our power.

When the circumstances are tough we often get tempted towards the easier path. Giving up is always easy. However, to hold ourselves is not easy in those minutes of despair and darkness. Sometimes we just give up because we are tired of being strong, tired of being the guinea pig of the destiny. We no longer have the strength to fight and we are angry on everything around us. We all have been at this place, haven't we?

At least, I have been at that place many a times and all I do is to look for my ray of sunshine, my light of hope, my pinch of salt. Somehow, I find it an answer to everything in life. HOPE.

Have you found your salt yet?







Wednesday, 22 April 2015

The Unsung Heroes



Have you even been to a UV light show. The artists play with ultraviolet light and use props to perform mesmerizing acts with brilliant colors. The most fascinating part of these shows is the team which works together in utmost synchronization. Like this picture above, we can see just one or two people on the stage performing like magic, but when the lights will be switched on it can be a team of may be 10-20 people who made all this happen. Any entrepreneur can relate to this very easily. After all, any idea however great needs people to implement it, some on the stage and some behind the lights synchronizing to their best.

There is something common in being an entrepreneur and homemaker, both of these tasks are round the clock 24x7x365, energy draining and thankless. However, there is something more hectic than both of the above, being the spouse/partner of an entrepreneur. Success and failure of an entrepreneur may be dependent on many factors, but his/her growth depends completely on the partner. When I say growth, I don't mean growth of the venture but of the individual as an entrepreneur and person. Any entrepreneurial journey however big or small is never smooth. It has many ups and downs, many predicted obstacles and many not so predicted pitfalls. All this is managed well, if you have a supporting partner. This person who plays the most vital role in the life and business of an entrepreneur, goes through a lot to support them. Here I wish to address you directly Mr/Ms Entrepreneur and bring into light the ten major problems your spouses/partner face and come out strong:

10 ) Handling the parents/relatives

The elder generation has always been very conservative about taking risks in life, and entrepreneurship is all about stepping outside the comfort zone. Thus, when someone decides to be an entrepreneur leaving a paid job, it creates thunders in the life of parents, in-laws, relatives etc. They don't understand as to why they are leaving a comfortable job for something unstable.
Entrepreneurs keep busy, so generally these concerned people don't get to talk to you. So all their questions, complains, astonishment and frustrations are directed towards the spouse. They have to handle all this with utmost care, because at the same time they can not afford offending any elder.

9) Being almost like a single parent

If you have kids, it becomes much more difficult for your spouse to manage things. They have to take complete care of them and simultaneously compensate for your absence too. They also make sure that the kids love and respect you and don't let your busy schedule come in that way. Although you are there for them, but they handle things just like single parents do. They don't come up to you with every thing happening to/for kids.

8) Managing the complete social life

There are no Friday nights, Saturday brunches and Sunday dinners in your life. If it is mandatory to attend some social evening, then your spouse attends it on your behalf. You think, it is sorted but it is not. Your spouse has to answer to all the embarrassing questions about your schedule and smile to satires directed to you for being extremely busy.

7) Managing the household/office completely

When you both were in job, you helped her in the household chores. But since you have chosen a very different life you don't have enough time for yourself, leave apart doing dishes. The house becomes completely their responsibility now, anything and everything. In countries like India, you get house helps, so things are still better but in the first world countries where there is no such house helps etc, things are very difficult to manage. Along the complete household, your partners have to manage their own offices too. Now, you don't have time to listen about their day or advice them professionally.



6) Being a patient listener and learning your language

You are walking a new way of life and everyday something new happens. Your partner listens to you very patiently and with almost same excitement. They hear your stories, about your meetings, prepare with you for your presentations and do every bit they can to encourage you. They even learn your business language to make you feel comfortable while talking to them.
5) Managing the budget

Being an entrepreneur may mean months without paychecks at least for few early months. They are not scared of financial instability. Your spouse manages everything when it comes to budget. It becomes little difficult without compromising your life style but they make it happen. The make very clever cut offs and most of the time the first thing they cut off is their own expenses.

4) Entrepreneurs are wired differently

You are born to be an entrepreneur, you don't learn to be one. You are wired differently than many others. You take risk, walk out in rain and sometimes you can be the most illogical person on the earth. It needs a lot to work out things with you. Your partner manages whole this mercurial side of you. They agree, they disagree, get stressed but still are always by your side.

3) No me time/we time or any time

Since you have been an entrepreneur, there aren't those lazy Saturday and Sunday mornings. You have demanding hours at work and they support you in that. Everything is scheduled and you follow a discipline. Sometimes your weekends are busier than the week days. You have meeting lined up and there may have gone weeks without a relaxed interaction with your spouse/partner. They not only understand your too busy schedule but also cope up with it.

2) Being very strong emotionally

Being your partner is not easy at all. Handling home, their own office, your office, friends, relatives, parents and a long list of errands can't be fun. They take care of everything, so that you can be in peace and focus completely on your entrepreneurial goals. Once you become an entrepreneur, there is no turning back. You get busier with each passing day. You have ups and downs and they stand by your side in everything. If you fail, they are with you to hear all, 'I told you so' comments from endless people. They are not scared of public shame in case you fail. They go through lot emotionally and mentally but always come across as your strength. Sometimes they have to be much stronger than even you.

1) Keeping the dreamer alive

This is the most important and challenging task faced by your partner.
Any entrepreneurial journey goes through a lot. Sometimes you are a success, other times you fail. But whatever it is, they don't let the dreamer in you die. They encourage you to leave everything on them and follow your dream. They believe in your dreams. They are not scared of failure and don't let you live in any kind of pressure. They don't play an equally vital role in your success, they play much more important role than you. They never let you give up. 

However your journey was/is/will be, they are the unsung heroes.




Thursday, 16 April 2015

Streak of Light



I am sitting alone in a room, thinking about future. I am in pain and despair. Something has happened and I have to start my life from the scratch. When I say 'from the scratch', I mean it. First of all, I have to learn how to walk. Yes, there are few unfortunate ones who learn walking more than once in a life time. My efforts, sweat and blood of years have gone in-vain. Before this room, I was in another room, with people yet alone. Since few months I am just changing rooms and roommates but in same state of mind. I am just thinking, I guess that's all I am able to do. I laugh a lot and crack jokes about everything possible. I have no idea why I do so, may be I want to evade from thinking. Sometimes, I play guitar too. I have always loved to compose new tunes on it. I go no where without it, no room.

When I was with people, I met a variety. When you are on the receiving end of life, you meet the real of them. They were kind, friendly, positive, negative, mean, rude and neutral. Some were cruel too. Adversity handpicks the best and worst people and gives them to you. I too met both kinds. The worst one to meet were, Mr & Ms. Iamthebest, Mr & Ms. Oh!SadToHear, Mr & Ms. Don'tLooseHeart, Mr & Ms. WeAreConcernedRelatives etc, etc. There were many more I can talk about. However I am sure, many of you must have met them sometimes in your lives. Life seems to be very particular about making us meet the real part of people around us. None of us are happy to meet them, but for me every meeting was taking me further in a darker abyss. They made me doubt my will, determination, strength and confidence. I questioned my capabilities and thought about my limitations. To be honest, I can't say they were wrong about anything they said. It was me who was struggling to accept the reality. The first step to life, success or happiness is being completely transparent about your own reality. I needed a hand to hold and not to push me further.

It is a hot day. My fingers are trying to produce a new tune. Since my troop has stepped on that landmine, I find it hard to focus. Neither that cloud of blood infused dust has left my mind nor the loud sharp sound has given my ears any rest. I can hear it even in the softest tunes. My vacillations make it hard for me to find the right scale and focus on right notes. Yet I try and manage to come up with a soft delicate tune. It soothes me, I love it. I save it in my recorder to hum it later. My moment of self-appreciation is disturbed, Mr. Best has walked into my room. He is a colleague and my first roommate in the training academy. He too sings. He borrows my guitar (which I hate) and plays one of the finest tunes I have ever heard. He claims it to be his with a proud smile. I wonder about the perfect strokes his fingers have made on the strings to create these beautiful notes. It was no doubt the best, almost perfect. I change my mind to share my tune with him. The effort was needless as Mr. Best is hardly interested. After flaunting it to me he moves further to do the same, leaving me in emotions I can't describe. I don't love my tune anymore, I go back to my cloud and boom. I am doubting a talent I am born with.

I have changed my room again, this time the place is mine. While unpacking my stuff, I find my recorder. I am about to throw it. Ms. Angel enters the room. I call her this because she is someone who gives me hope. She picks up that black tiny soul-mate of mine and presses the start button. I look at her face, her eyes are closed and she seems to be meditating. After listening to few, she looks at me full of appreciation. “How do you...?”, she asks me, “Oh! They are brilliant”. I am feeling something, hot blood is rushing in my veins. For months, I have not felt anything good so I am not able to decipher the exact emotion. I share all my work with her, one by one. Every time she seems to be meditating. After she listens them, I listen them again, struggling to hear them through her ears. I am sure they are good and I love them again. People expect a lot less from me, but she never lowers her bar of expectations. As if nothing ever happened to me, as if nothing can affect me. It is very hard but it gives me an indomitable inner strength. To every doubt of mine, she smiles and says, “You can do anything bro.”

                                                         x-------------x----------------x-------------x

I read the above page from my old diary and relive every moment. Time has flown, years have passed. I still play guitar and compose new tunes, now professionally. With every day I spent with Ms. Angel, I was learning to live. I was regaining my lost faith on myself. I was questioning my limitations and challenging my boundaries. I was learning to be me, what I was and may be better. She held me tight and unknowingly brought me to a place where I was ready to face and fight the world all over again. It's not that I didn't fail again but I never give up. Ms Angel never left my side and she never will, after all we have been together since even before we were born. She is my twin sister.

Failure is one thing I fear least. This is not because God has gifted me with an attitude to overcome it, but because when I was lost deep in a vast chasm of darkness, she pulled me out into light. Or I can say she pulled the light out of me.


If you too have a Mr/Ms Angel in your life, just hold tight and you will be through. It can be anyone, a sibling, a parent, a friend, a spouse or a partner. Shut your ears to everyone but them. Some battles are not won alone.  

Thursday, 2 April 2015

A Thin Line



The world cup is over and it has definitely given two things to India, a strong cricket team to look up to and Anushka Sharma to blame. We went crazy and behaved like sore losers, not new for us but a little different this time. This year we had something more than grass, pitch, weather or the players to blame, in fact not just something, a whole 5 feet 9 inches living girl in flesh and blood. And we left no stone unturned to vent out our anger at all places we could, from social media to nukkad panwala. Not only males but females too bashed Anushka Sharma for God known reasons.

I am sad that we lost the cup in spite of the hard work the blue boys did, but I felt sadder when I happened to look at a photo of Anushka Sharma returning from Australia on social media. She seemed sad and pale but what pinched me the most, is that she was looking down as if she too thinks she is guilty. I have no clue what she could be guilty of, being in a relationship, or being in a relationship with a man who could not perform well in his profession, or being in a relationship with a man who could not perform well in his profession because she was present there and he got distracted or may be she was playing victim. For a man like Virat Kohli, with immense talent and caliber, it doesn't seems likely that he will get distracted.

Well, I seriously did not want to discuss the after thoughts of that photo in such details over here, but I could not help myself. See, this is what happens to you when you talk about blame games, you choose a side.

Coming back to my chain of thoughts, this incident is just a reflection of the status of women in our society, once again at our faces the crude truth of women empowerment. Another form of abuse, when you don't get what you want, you blame others. In any patriarchal society, man has too big of an ego that he not only does anything to fake his but also of the whole male community. The same happened this time, Mr. Kohli was the one who failed, who lost focus, so if at all anyone has to be blamed then it should be him, but alas, he came out much cleaner in comparison to Ms. Sharma.

There is a percentage of men and women, who are sick of this nonsense as any man with logic and any woman with self-respect would be. When this will fade away, something new will come up. After every few months a female bashing news is in the air and we learn nothing.

I don't know if the world would ever end female bashing. Or if the society will ever give women the status and respect we all dream. But I wanted to share with all females, girls or women, married, unmarried or divorced, single or dating, that if you have a boyfriend, friend, husband, lover or anyone who too blames Anushka Sharma, be aware, you never know when he will start blaming you for all/any of his failures. If he can blame someone else for someone else's failure without any logic, no wonder he may someday feel the same for you. Seems like a possibility to me and I may be completely wrong, but for sure I want you to think about it.

How your man treat other women is equally important as how he treats you because somewhere down the line his real thoughts about women will reflect in his behavior for you. It is difficult to pretend for years. 

Most of the time in our relationships we don't understand the fine line between a fight and an insult, a disappointment and a blame. We justify to ourselves the behavior of our loved ones even before they justify it. How we react to failures and disappointments reflects our true self. We tend to say all sort of things when we are angry and then may apologize but the fact is that we vent out our true feelings when we are angry. Anger doesn't let us sugarcoat our words. What we think for one, we can think same for others too. I don't want you to be over sensitive about every word your partner says, but yes you should watch out for repetitions. It's a real thin line so setting boundaries will help and expressing those boundaries will help more.

Respect is the most important aspect of any relationship. Especially in love and marriage, where two people are with each other because of their feelings. May be your man is the best you think, talks politely to all, respects women and seems nice, but never let him cross the line of your self-respect at any cost. Don't think that you are loving or respecting your partner by allowing him to disrespect you.

If you are not sure about his take on women empowerment or you wish to confirm it, this small episode can give you a fair insight of what he actually thinks about women, equality and the blame game. On a lighter side, it can be the best question you can ask on your first date or first time you meet a person for marriage.








Tuesday, 24 March 2015

Bone of 'Content'ion


‘Contentment’, something that is found, lost, discussed, pondered and defined by many. Scholars, philosophers, intellectuals, God-men, all have tried to know this unknown state of human mind. It’s difficult to define, as while walking on the road to decipher contentment several other questions cross our path, like, meaning of life, goals of life, aim of existence etc. These questions are not only complex because they make you think and rethink your thoughts, actions and reactions but also because there are no right answers. Every answer has its own questions.

My understanding about contentment is same as its dictionary definition, that is, a state of happiness and satisfaction, however, I think that many of us including me misunderstand contentment as the state of being happy with less. Often we use ‘contentment’ to describe being happy with the present state of life, living in less or living with something which is not considered success in social terms. Have you ever heard someone saying that a rich man is content? He may be, just because he has lot of money and wants to earn more, does not make him any less content. Or does it? Why only simple living does leads to contentment?

When I look around, the definition that society (Indian society in which I grew) gives to me of ‘contentment’ is very different. I don’t know what it has to do with satisfaction or happiness but yes, absence of ambition to progress or not trying for lavishness is contentment by social standards. That’s what I have perceived from observing social interactions about contentment.

Lately, I have experienced a new sense of contentment, perhaps a new sub- definition. Contentment may be being happy with your present state of life but for sure it should not be misinterpreted as the passive state of mind. If I have ambitions to grow in my career, or to earn more money, buy a condo or a Ferrari, wear branded stuff and dine in Michelin’s, then to be content, all I have to do is to put efforts to make my dreams come true. If I am satisfied with my efforts then I am as content as a sage. You may feel this as an exaggeration, but, trust me it’s not. Different paths don’t mean difference in the feeling of contentment. A 10 mile run for a marathon runner or 10 steps for an amputee, is progress and contentment. Ambitions and contentment can go hand in hand. Anyone can be happy and unsatisfied at the same time or sad and satisfied. For a person like me, if I don’t have something to look forward too, I am not content. I love the struggle and somehow make myself always available for one. I am happy when I am striving, that makes me feel living. I am only content when I am challenging myself or else I feel drained.

When happiness joins satisfaction, it becomes contentment, but again, this satisfaction may not necessarily define what you already have. A day well spent according to your personal standards can give you a content sleep. Happiness should not be our end goal, happiness should be the journey. And contentment should be related to happiness and not to satisfaction. You don’t have to define your contentment or try to be content. It will come to you. You don't have to sit on the river side in utmost silence or go to serene mountains to feel the cool breeze touch your face, to find meaning in life or feel content. Your piece of contentment can be kept in the corner of a disco as you love to dance. Don't go by any stereotype law of contentment, find yours. After so many years, today, while writing this article, I have understood the meaning of journey and destination and the real meaning of,
                         कर्मण्येवाधिकारस्ते मा फलेषु कदाचन।
                        मा कर्मफलहेतुर्भूर्मा ते सङ्गोऽस्त्वकर्मणि॥

(You can control the efforts but not the results, but if you will start defining your efforts with results, you will never enjoy the journey of efforts.)
It is all about efforts. Your honesty towards your efforts brings contentment and nothing else can. In my words, I want to say,
“If results make you rethink about your efforts, perhaps the results are right.”



Monday, 12 January 2015

5 Side-effects of having Good Friends



Love, Fear and Hatred are the three basic emotions of life. Everything we think or do revolve around these three. And Love being the brightest, makes us strong, optimist and hopeful. It has no boundaries and it can make your world go round. The very feeling of having an unconditional love in our life fills us with an indomitable confidence that we can achieve anything. It’s the magic for which we all wait to happen in our lives. And when it happens, our life changes for ever. Love enters into our lives in many forms. Emotions, situations, decisions keep changing but if the foundation is love, the equation never changes.

Among all the kind of love we experience, I think the love we share with a friend is the most special. A friend is a gift we choose for ourselves. They make our life easier, spicy, light and comfortable. Sometimes when we have given up they push us beyond our own limits. Our partner in crimes, we can be true to them, just say our feelings in utmost raw form and still have the freedom of not being judged. They stand with us in thick and thin.

This friend can be anyone, a sibling, a parent, a partner or a complete stranger. In most of the cases our friends are the complete strangers we meet one day and become inseparable over a period of time. Yes, it looks quite weird and miraculous, that someday we meet a stranger, chat a bit for any reason and end up having a whole home in a person. However, today I am not here to talk about the fairy tale of friendship that we all know, but the disadvantages of having very good friends.
  1. You become less tolerant
This is absolutely true. Being with your buddies slips you in your most comfortable zone and ends up making you less tolerant with people in general. A good friend understands you without you saying a word and you start expecting that with lot of people. Even when you are far from your friend or like not talked to them for long, you feel complete with their presence and so your attention span to other people really narrows down. 
  1. It becomes difficult to make new friends
You develop a frequency and a particular taste and then it becomes nearly impossible to find people with same frequency. So the chances for you to make new friends at later juncture of life becomes very difficult. Unknowingly we compare the new people we meet with our friends and end up losing these new ones. Sometimes we know we are wrong but just can't help it.
  1. You always miss them
Missing them becomes a habit. You don't talk to them everyday, you don't tell them everything that is happening to you or you also may not meet them for years but you miss them always. Wherever you go, you miss them. In office, in parties or simply the nothing doing days, you always miss them a bit somewhere deep in your heart. You are amid lot of people you enjoy being with but nothing is complete without them.
  1. You need them to push you
We all go through a less cheerful phase in life where we need something extra. We know what we want but we just can’t pull ourselves up to work for it. It could be anything, a job change, a new diploma, getting fit, pursuing your hobby, whatever it may be you need your friend to push you to do it. You need them to curse you, scold you and make you do things for yourself.
  1. You feel just alone
In today’s world where we live in different parts of the globe, you just feel alone without them by your side. You buy whatever but without friends to show it off, it feels something is not right. You move on with your life, talking with your friends over phone or texts but nothing can replace their presence.

Whatever it may be, a true friend is worth everything. It's priceless!








Monday, 19 May 2014

Our Ironical Passion

   
The unfortunate incident happened in Chibok on April 14th, 2014 has turned the lives of its residents into a living nightmare. Their daughters were abducted from the school by the Islamic Jihadist organisation Boko Haram. All because these girls went to school and Boko Haram believes western education is a sin. It has disturbed all of us. It’s been weeks and we have no clue about the girls. The kidnapping in itself is dreadful but there is something more heinous, the proud announcement of the man behind this. Abubakar Shekau, the leader of this group released a video message saying, “I abducted your girls. I will sell them in the market, by Allah. There is a market for selling humans. Allah says I should sell. He commands me to sell. I will sell women.." [1] In the video stated he said all this with a sly smile. It makes my blood go chill. What’s haunting me the most is, “I will sell women.”

All these 250-300 girls, among whom few are as young as 8-9 will be thrown in sex-trafficking forcefully striping off their dignity and self-worth. Girls no matter what age become the victims. They are abducted, threatened, befooled and sometimes even sold by their own parents or relatives. Poverty becomes the catalyst of such trade.  Sometimes parents sell their daughters to brothels for money or they are sold as brides to repay their debts. In this dark market children and women are reduced to be mere objects of sexual fetishes of perverts. The kind of torture women go through if they refuse is heinous. On March 23rd, 2014 in Bhiwandi, Maharashtra, a woman’s breasts were chopped off by the pimp for opposing [2].

All this is uncomfortable. Our blood boils and bile rises to our throats but we don’t know what to do. While reading about the Nigerian incident I came across a hashtag on twitter Real Men Don’t Buy Girls. I am confused who are these ‘real men’. When I look the stats for rapes or prostitution, it seems these ‘real men’ are few and also the involvement of women in trafficking or trading can’t be ignored. However, my mind is baffled that the kind of cruelty victims suffer, are the culprits even human.

While researching deep about sex-trafficking, I found that the sex traffickers have made the online pornography a tool of power and control by abusing, blackmailing and raping their victims.  Pornography sounds so familiar. For most of us pornographic sites have become a regular stopover either out of curiosity, habit or addiction. It’s is like junk food. Most of us know it’s not good but we find hard living without it. The social acceptance has gone to an extent where a porn actress is working in main stream cinema of a society as conservative as India. Most of us think that Prostitution and sex trafficking are closely related, however, have we ever given a thought over the correlation between pornography industry and flesh trading? I don’t know if we can get those ‘real’ men stop from buying girls or not, however there is something which we can surely do.

There was a Tedx talk by Ran Gavirelli [3] about not watching pornography. While I read the comments below it I found most of them justifying watching it. I am not sure whom they were justifying, the speaker or themselves. Here are the myths or excuses through which we attempt to justify pornography.

1)      We watch porn because it is available.
This is the most common one. We know that we watch porn because it is already there on internet; it’s already been uploaded for all. It is not created because we want to see it. We watch it or not it will be there.
Well, this is true but there is something we don’t know or maybe we know and chose to ignore. We have created a demand for internet pornography by making it a habit. As a newbie we watch whatever is available but as we proceed our fancies are kicked and we end up spending hours on such sites. We browse categories and search for new videos. With every download we create a demand and then supply has to be there. It became one of the most booming industries because we are not satisfied with what we saw once; we are salves of our habit or addiction. So, it may be true that we start watching it because it’s already uploaded on internet but as we watch it often, we unknowingly encourage the industry. The high demand for pornography has created an even more violent environment for victims of sex trafficking.

2)      Most porn actors and actress have chosen the industry
Pornography is a huge industry, it has lot of money. A very popular myth floats that girls abroad are in the profession by their choice. Sex is not considered as a taboo in English and American countries so people chose it as an easy way to earn money. No one is being forced to choose this as a profession. I agree some may have chosen the industry but most of them are forced. Unlike Sunny Leone who has glamorised the industry for Indians most of them have terrible life. On average 66% of porn performers have herpes, and 7% of porn performers have HIV. Ex-porn star Tanya Burleson says men and women in pornography do drugs because “they can’t deal with the way they’re being treated” in the industry [4].
So let us all get this fact straight that the kind of life they have or the cruelty most of them have faced is miserable. Just because people come from a liberal society does not necessary mean that they are happy to live without dignity. While of course not all women involved in pornography are subject to abuse, the number of those women who are exploited continues to grow without our knowledge.

3)      It’s a harmless fun
For sure it seems to be harmless, but is it really as harmless as it seems. I will address this myth from four perspectives.

a)      Harm to women
After reading the facts above, we must have understood by now the harmlessness of the industry. Trust me if you will search for the stats you will come to know about the brutal and barbaric facts about ‘pornography’ as an industry. To women what it does is well described by MacKinnon in her book ‘Women’s Lives, Men’s Laws’, “Women in pornography are bound, battered, tortured, harassed, raped, and sometimes killed; or, in the glossy men’s entertainment magazines, “merely” humiliated, molested, objectified, and used. In all pornography, women are prostituted. This is done because it means sexual pleasure to pornography’s consumers and profits to its providers, largely organized crime”. Many children, girls and women are kidnapped and sold.

b)     Harm to society
Pornography triggers the quench of sexual gratification. People want to replicate the pleasure in real life. India being a conservative country doesn’t give many options to explore, so either they visit a prostitute or try to indulge with females they know. It affects all sections and class of society. Casting Couch, Exploitation at Work, Extramarital Affairs, Exploitation of Children etc. are few consequences of the unsatiated libido prompted by such videos. Well, maybe it’s not responsible for most of the crimes against women but we can’t ignore its effect on the social psychology.

c)      Harm to Us
It is hard to believe but it’s true. Even we as individual are getting affected by it. Pornography triggers a neurotransmitter ‘dopamine’ which is responsible for sexual gratification. When the dopamine hit is often, it gets entangled with the brain making it very difficult for you to be satisfied in real life. This dearth of satisfaction sometimes leads to crime against women, visiting a prostitute or extra marital affair. If no such option is at hand due to any social or moral barrier people most commonly resort to the online virtual pleasure and so it becomes a vicious cycle. So the common myth that watching porn spices up the sex life, is all false, it actually makes it difficult.

d)     Harm to our CHILDREN
This is something which can’t be overlooked at any cost. It’s a dangerous threat spreading across the world with every passing moment. UNICEF in one of its report stated, “Cases of human trafficking have been reported in all 50 U.S. States; anyone can be trafficked regardless of race, class, education, gender, age, or citizenship when forcefully coerced or enticed by false promises”[5]. Approximately 300,000 children are at risk of being prostituted in the United States [6]. In India it’s even worse, there are no national or regional estimates for the number of children trafficked every year. But 40% of prostitutes are children, and there is a growing demand for young girls in the industry [7]. There are two dreadful phases on it, as victims and predators.

1)    Child trafficking as happening with the victims of Chibok has shown a dramatic increase since few years. The cases of child abuse are simply going up not only in the Red Light world but also in our daily life. No one can claim to be safe. In 95% of cases, the sexual abuse offender is known to the child; that is they are a relative or trusted friend. Only 5% of child sexual assault cases are ‘stranger danger’ [8]. We all are matured enough to understand the correlation. Pornography increases the curiosity of a person to such an extent that may be people can go to any extent to experience it. Any child is a prey to some pervert (known and stranger) and kidnappers who would sell them.

2)      Kids as young as 10-12 have access to pornography these days. It makes them curious and kind of addicted to it. As they are not mature enough to understand the complications of it, they simply understand it as pleasure and try to replicate in real life. Habitual of seeing women as object of sex and abuse through those videos, they can’t respect women. A study by the Crimes Against Children Research Centre at the University of New Hampshire states in one of its reports that Juveniles are 36% of all sex offenders who victimize children [6]. There are more stats on the internet about the kind of brutality juvenile sex offenders show towards their victims which will shake your soul.

When the whole world talks about human and sex trafficking with rage it gives us a hope that may be some day my sister, friend, wife or daughter will feel safe. It also makes me as a woman feel safer. Ironically at the same time, pornography is tolerated, accepted, openly defended, and even celebrated. Every time we watch pornography, some girl somewhere across the globe is paying for it. A famous saying goes, “There's no such thing as free lunch”, and it’s just that you think you are not paying for it today but,
WHAT IF SOME DAY LIFE SEND YOU A CHEQUE. 
THINK ABOUT IT.

P.S. Indeed, most of us won’t be comfortable sharing it, however, trust me that perhaps is the least we can do if we stand against human trafficking.

Sources:
Image Courtesy: http://blog.chron.com/thepeacepastor/files/2011/12/william-wilberforce.png




Thursday, 15 May 2014

Kudos to Youth..Together We Stand!

 


With every tick of the clock the excitement is rising. The great grand fat elections in India for 2014 are about to wrap up with results I hope will help the nation grow. People are happy and sad for their own reasons and affections to different political candidates or parties. However, I am happy for a different reason; this is the first time I have seen Indian youth to stand for their convictions. If we talk about the three major parties BJP, AAP and Congress, the kind of youth support BJP and AAP are enjoying is phenomenal. Varanasi has witnessed it all.

Its a time to congratulate our youth for the kind of revolution they have brought in the country and the minds of people.

Looking beyond these elections, I think this is the beginning of an era in India. It’s not about the elections or who won and who lost, but about the kind of participation Indian youth has shown. I am amazed to see the youth fighting for the candidate they believe in. Youth who are not associated officially to any political party took all the pains to aware people and vote wisely. Hundreds and thousands of BJP and AAP supporters from all over the world swamped Varanasi to talk about what they feel.

India you already won when young boys and girls took leave from their offices and traveled from distances to give a message to vote wisely. It hardly matters they stood for BJP or AAP or Congress, what matters is that they stood for a bright India.

India you already won when people with no vested interests and just for you stood together and supported their respective parties.

India you already won because they not only care for you but also can go to any extent to ensure you get the best.

India you already won when they stood for you in their own ways.


If we continue standing like this for our convictions for our country above our vested interests, ‘Achche din’ will never fade away irrespective of who wins or who loses. 

Jai Hind!

Monday, 5 May 2014

Coming back to life!


Things have moved fast for the whole world since March 08th, 2014. India is busy with the on-going elections. The world is eagerly waiting to know what enfolds in the future for this country. But, there are a set of people in the world for whom the clock is ticking for sure but the time is at still. These are the families of the people who boarded the unfortunate Malaysian flight 370. It flew towards its destination but lost all its contact to the ground within less than an hour after its take-off. The aircraft was carrying 12 Malaysian crew members and 227 passengers from 14 nations.

That day not only these 239 people went missing, but with them went missing the smiles and lives of all near and dear ones of them. Since then their life has never been the same. The families have spent hours and days in the assistance centers in hope of a miracle. All they want is some news - good or bad. After extensive search of nearly two months, conducted by all the super powers of the world nothing could be found. With every passing day the despair ascends. They don’t know what happened to their loved ones. Evidences tell them their wait is futile but they are still waiting.

Last week exacerbated their woes. The airlines announced that they are closing the assistance center at Hotel Lido, Beijing on May 2nd and all other centers on May 7th. They want the families to go back home. The Deputy Foreign Minister of Malaysia advised and requested the families to “accept reality”. People are scared to go back home. Some may live in remote areas with no Internet access, they are not sure if they will miss something important. Some are scared what if they return and the governments cease the search but what is scaring them the most is to resume lives without their loved ones. Will they be able to do that? At every phone ring they will pray, with every knock they will pray, with every news flash they will pray. Their hope won’t let them sleep and their thoughts will make them miserable when they are awake.

Some have gathered the courage to accept the reality. On last Sunday, May 4th, 2014, the first funeral of this mishap was held. Friends and families of two Australian citizens, Mr. Rodney Burrows and Mrs. Mary Burrows gathered all their courage to do this. However, most of the families are yet to come to terms with it. They are still struggling to face it. They don’t know where to restart from and some of them don’t even want to restart.

Let us all pray to dear Lord to give the families the courage to bear this irreplaceable loss. Every time I read some article or hear some news about the mishap or even while I am writing this down, I am not able to think what’s more cruel – living with the truth of losing someone or dying daily in the hope that he/she may return someday.


Tuesday, 29 April 2014

Life Reunited!


Bangalore as a city is growing on me; my friends are making it happen. My two close and old friends live near to my house. We went to the same school where they fell in love and married after 10 years of courtship. I am referring them as Veena and Ashish as they don't want their names to be public. Often on weekends we hang out together for dinners, go clubbing or hit pubs, but an email changed our way of life.  We got a school reunion invitation scheduled on a Saturday after two weeks. Veena and I got very excited at the thought of meeting our old friends and also because it was time to shop.

We met at my house to decide about our shopping spree. While we were discussing it I noticed that Ashish is a bit worried about something. I nudged Veena, she was clueless.

“Ashish, what happened? Is something bothering you?”

“No yaar, just that I am not interested in your shopping”, irritation was evident. We did not buy his reason and after minutes of persuasion he yelled, “I don't want to go to any such reunion. People will laugh at me”. He pointed to his pot belly.

We both chuckled quietly. This concern was not new. Ashish never liked his chubby cheeks and pot belly. This weight made him introvert. He won't shop with friends, he won't get his photographs clicked but the worst was he felt a lot inferior when ever he met any guy who is any slimmer to him. He has shown his anguish over his weight several times before but never did much. He made exercise regimes and diet charts but they all went to trash within a day or two. So we don't take his weight issues seriously. However, we did not realise that for him stakes were high this time. In school and college, Ashish was the handsome hunk. From last 4-5 years he has put on oodles of weight without bothering much. With a roly-poly body, he was not happy to meet the same guys who envied him for his looks and the same girls who fell for him.

“Oh come-on! It’s OK. Don't start it again. Just come with us to buy a new jacket. The old ones won’t fit you anymore”, Veena uttered all this while making the shopping list.

“I won't go, will make some excuse. You guys carry on”, Ashish was really upset.

Later, in the kitchen I said to Veena, “I think he won't come. I have never seen him so nervous”.
“No, he will forget about it in the morning. And most importantly nothing much can be done in 10 days”. We dined and they left.

Next day at 6:00 AM my phone rang. It was Veena in a lazy voice. She told me that Ashish woke up early and went for jogging. “What? I told you it’s different this time”, I blabbered as I yawned.

A new day started and went as usual for all of us except Ashish. Around 4:00 PM, Veena texted me that she is leaving early as Ashish has reached home and have severe pain in his legs. Ashish couldn't go to office the next day too, he did some extreme running due to which his muscles swelled up. After my office I went to his place to meet him. He opened the door, he was limping. He looked tired and disappointed. Veena and I were talking but he was not speaking at all. Just to make him smile I said, “Hope your leg gets better or else with whom will I dance at the reunion”. He smiled sadly but said nothing.

“He has gone mad. He is mulishly harping that he will only go to the reunion wearing his blue jacket that I bought him last Diwali”, Veena said angrily and then stared him, “Why don't you understand Ashish, it no longer fits you. To be in that jacket you'll have to loose at least 5-6 kg”.

“I will lose, but I will only go to the reunion wearing that jacket”, Ashish was stubborn. It was clear that Ashish has gone steps farther than his routine weight concerns. This time he has taken it as a challenge to his will, determination and stamina. He will go to any extent to achieve it.  Unfortunately, if he fails he will lose his self-confidence terribly and may get into an abyss of low esteem. This was a dangerous. To give him some hope I said, “Why don't you try GM diet? It works. You will lose 4-5 Kg in a week.”

Ashish smiled, we could see his eyes brimming with hope. For the next one week he was on the diet following it without any fail. The effect was visible and so was the confidence of Ashish. But we were still scared about the jacket. We were not sure if the diet will help him loose so much as to fit it the jacket. Veena and I were happy but the 'jacket' thing was killing us.

The day arrived when there was no escape to the moment of truth. Ashish was very excited; people at his work, friends, all have been complementing him for his weight loss. He was sure he will get into the jacket but the weighing machine was a little rebel. He lost around 4 Kg in a week, a big achievement in the diary of weight losers but was less to deal with the jacket. We were waiting for him to come out of the room. The door opened with a thud and I was shocked. The jacket not only fit him but also gave him enough room to dance. We screamed in happiness. Ashish was glowing with confidence. I had never seen him this happy since long. His eyes were proud, victorious and joyful.

At the party he was high with excitement. He was laughing, cracking jokes, living old memories to full. He was no more ashamed of his weight. Veena too was very happy; she knew how crucial it is for Ashish to wear this jacket. She knew that if Ashish would have failed to lose weight he would have failed himself. His efforts were well paid.

While he was dancing madly to the tunes of 'Tamanche pe disco', I said to Veena, “To be honest, I never thought Ashish would make it. It's a pleasant miracle. He lost so much, WOW”. Veena sipping her Vodka with Coconut water replied to me, “A good wife is who supports her husband in everything, but a GREAT wife covertly replaces the old jacket with a bigger size one when no one is watching.”

I was stunned, unable to say anything or even to react. She winked at me and went to join Ashish on the dance floor. It was divine to see them dancing in love. Ashish was enjoying his triumph over himself. This reunion made him reunite with his life.