Eclipse in LOVE....!!

This phenomenon has happened to most of us. It makes you feel pain, agony, and sometimes even independence. After being taboo for years, it has gained some social acceptance. However, they bring with them a roller coaster ride of emotions and many lessons to teach you life.

A beautiful, docile Indian girl was celebrating her pre wedding ceremonies. She was getting married to her love and this added more blush to her fair red cheeks. She thinks, she couldn’t be luckier but suddenly when her lover cum fiancé discards her for not being modern enough, her beautiful castle breaks with a thud. She felt devastated, dejected and dead. But, she decides to bounce back. Don’t know, how, when, why and what made her go beyond herself. A girl, who went to her first date accompanied by her younger brother, decides to go her pre planned foreign honeymoon alone. There she finds her own self, her independence beyond culture, sex and money.  She comes back to India, meets her fiancé, makes him an ‘ex’, and thanks him for rejecting her. This story sounds familiar, right! Yes, it’s the story of blockbuster Bollywood movie, “Queen”, starred by beautiful Kangana Ranaut.

Let’s look at another, blockbuster, super- duper hit Bollywood flick. I always find myself in dearth of adjectives when I talk about this one. A bubbly, adventurous, extrovert girl meet a guy in train and after a series of adventures they become friends. This lady, who is already in love, elopes for her Mr. Perfect in assurance of true love. Her life comes to a shocking juncture when her Mr. Perfect refuses to stand beside her. She loses her faith in everything and reverts to a shell, torturing herself for her mistakes. Later when her Mr. Perfect too returns to her, she chooses her friend to be her soul mate. She thanks Mr. Perfect for dumping her as only then she could realise what she really wants for her life. No guesses required, it’s the plot of very famous “Jab we met”, starred by sensuous Kareena Kapoor Khan and handsome Shahid Kapoor.

By now I am sure you have understood my focus. I don’t want to be gender biased. Here is another movie plot, which will make you go back to some memory lane for sure. A guy joins army but elopes from there as he was not able to cope up to the difficult army training. He comes back to his house and meets his girlfriend. His girlfriend, however, got too offended by his decision to quit and breaks up the relationship stating her logical fear of not being able to trust him anymore. He feels shattered, but goes back and finally achieves what he decided for himself. Later, in a scene he thanks her, for making him what he is. It’s “Lakshya”, starred by our green eyed hunk, Hrithik Roshan & charming Preity Zinta.

I strongly believe that these movies which we have seen countless times, teach us the most important lessons of our lives-

a)      Even the biggest mistake is normal to commit.

b)     We are victim, till we wish to be.

c)      To overcome our past. But, most importantly,

d)     To appreciate our past rather than blaming it.

I have noticed a weird fact; the word ‘past’ in itself has become a sign of failure. When successful people talk about their past, they say, “Looking back...” Whereas when we talk about someone who is struggling at any unwanted juncture, he/she is termed to have a ‘past’. I think we have forgotten the literal meaning of the term ‘past’ and using it in the contextual senses. I have never understood the logic of this one phrase, “We all have a past”, and obviously anything existing has a past. Even my flower pot has a past, earlier it was in my living room, now it is in my balcony. Now does this information qualify for being past or I have to make it dirty/scary.  One kind of ‘past’ which has always ignited curiosity, hatred, opportunity and sympathy of others in you is your broken relationships. People may not find your opinions interesting, but for sure they are eager to know your opinions about your ex.

Most of us have been through broken relationships and it’s no longer a taboo. Sometimes we get ‘dumped’ and some other times we ‘dump’ people. This word is again a mess, have any one of us has seen where this dumping ground is? Whatever the case remains, we gradually learn to deal with it. Few are strong, few are not. Few choose to move, few cling back. The later ones often end up avoiding and ignoring people, place and things that are related to their past relationships. Almost all of us are hurt and we resort ourselves to different ways to bounce back. For most of us it’s a bad and sad thing to happen. Well, I have a different take on this, I agree that breakups are sad, but they may not necessarily be bad. May be we just have to look outside the window for the rainbow. In a relationship we tend to forget, our own relationship with us. We give up our own importance and that’s where we make our biggest mistake.

A broken relationship gives us time to introspect, to revise ourselves, and to rethink our expectations and aspirations. During the course of a relationship, we change with time and situations but sometimes we even don’t know it. Suppose you went in a relationship while in college and then you started working, your personality will change a lot with reference to your new office, colleagues or profile of work. But you may fail to notice these changes as you still live in the wonderland of love. When we have to come out of the wonderland, instead of going to some other fantasy world, we can choose to wait and retrospect about our changes, good or bad, and decide what and how to improve. Another very important aspect we can rethink is our assumed reservations about us and others. It gives us a chance to love ourselves for no reason and ponder about our individuality. It gives us a chance to be sure of what we want from our life, our partner, ourselves and what we surely don’t want. Isn’t that something refreshing?

Like any other experience, our relationships too teach us a lot if we want to learn the best out of them. We learn to adjust, we mellow down, we learn to respect other people’s space, we feel more empathetic, we become more expressive and sometimes we even learn to value people who are not related to us. If we think deep, we will find that each relationship, broken or not, one or two, have made us a better person, if we have allowed it to do so. It’s not the relationship that decides our actions-reactions, in case it does not continue. Rather it’s us to decide what we will churn out of us from it. If we choose to be us, no relationship can be bad. We learn from every other mistake, so why can’t we learn from our relationship mistakes. Why we deliberately burden our souls with the guilt and choose not to forgive others, well, sometimes even us. Why we forget that the purpose of life is more than anything broken and love is to stand again rather than to fall. Is it not an insult to the almighty who gave you all reasons to live happy and content?

There is a set of scarier people though. They play safe and are afraid to commit mistakes. They don’t want to be hurt, they don’t want to be cheated, and they don’t want their hearts to bleed or eyes to wet their pillows. This is worst you can give back to life because anyway you are not living. Life is to experience love, care, friendship, pain, thrill, agony and all other emotions. Live your own set of mistakes and create your own blunders. Just one golden rule to follow:

Learn your lessons on time.